What Happens to Your Body and Mind in a Relationship with an Alcoholic

 Over the last couple of weeks I have been researching how your biochemistry changes from long-term exposure to being in a relationship with an alcoholic and how this impacts you physically, mentally, and emotionally. It can take months and sometimes years to fully heal and recover.

First off, if you are currently in a relationship, or left a relationship with someone suffering with alcoholism, it is vital to understand that alcoholism is a disease and illness. You did not cause their drinking. No amount of love, patience, loyalty, or effort on your part can control or cure another person’s addiction. You are allowed to want safety, stability, and consistency. It is not too much to ask for reliability, emotional presence, peace, and trust.

Living with an alcoholic places your body under constant stress, even when there is no obvious crisis, because there is so much unpredictability, your nervous system is always on alert and your body stays in survival mode. Over time, your nervous system stops returning to a calm state and your new baseline becomes “fight of flight”. Your body constantly releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This affects sleep, digestion, immunity, hormones, and energy levels. You may feel tired all the time, energized but exhausted, or unable to fully relax.

Your body may display physical conditions, that can include headaches, muscle pain, stomach issues, heart palpitations, or chronic inflammation, even if medical tests come back normal. These symptoms are real. They are stress responses stored in the body.

Your brain adapts to this environment too. The part responsible for detecting danger becomes overactive, while the regions responsible for logic, clarity, and emotional regulation take a back seat. This makes it harder to think clearly, trust your judgment, and feel emotionally steady. You may notice yourself feeling foggy, anxious, or easily overwhelmed.

Psychologically, long-term exposure to alcoholism can often result in trauma responses, sometimes developing into PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), and in certain cases, Complex-PTSD. Relationships with alcoholics frequently cycle between closeness and rupture, love and disappointment. These patterns create intense emotional bonds reinforced by relief after distress, which makes establishing boundaries or leaving the relationship feel physically painful, not just emotionally challenging. (This can be one of the many reasons someone stays)

You may become hypervigilant, where you are always scanning for mood changes or signs that something is “wrong”. You may feel anxious even when things seem calm, because your body is attuned to the cycles or patterns and what usually comes next.

You can begin to doubt yourself. There is so much denial and minimization involved with alcoholism. Over time, this can make you question your own feelings, perceptions, and memories. You may wonder if you are overreacting or being too sensitive, even when your reactions are reasonable. Emotionally, many partners become disconnected from their own needs and you may focus on keeping the peace, while ignoring your own exhaustion or pain. Remeber, this is your survival response.

Over time, you may lose your sense of identity and feel like you no longer recognize yourself. Joy, creativity, and spontaneity may fade, and you may experience numbness or disconnection from your body and emotions. Even during “good times,” your body may not feel safe. Relaxing, trusting, or feeling hopeful can feel impossible because the nervous system retains memory of past instability.

These effects are not permanent. The most important thing to understand is that your reactions are normal responses to prolonged emotional stress. Your body and mind adapted to survive. Nothing is wrong with you. You were never meant to carry another adult’s emotional regulation, sobriety, or consequences. Forgiveness alone does not resolve this. The body needs consistent safety to heal.

Healing is non-linear, and can take time and healing happens by restoring safety to the nervous system, rebuilding trust in yourself, processing grief, and learning to center your own needs again. This is true whether you stay in the relationship or leave it. 

There is a version of you that feels clear, grounded, and alive. They are not gone. They have been surviving. 

You are not alone. You deserve peace.

With love,

Terra

P.S.

Leaving the relationship does not mean your body immediately feels better. Many people tend to feel worse before they feel better, and that is normal. Your nervous system has been in survival mode for a long time. When the threat is removed, the body can finally release what it has been holding.